The Beat of The Life

 I don't know why I started to write specifically. It is just like following the flow of my thought.

I remember when I was a kid, my mom used to tell me a story before I slept. And maybe that's the reason why I was curious about people's life stories. It is not about involving in their personal business, it is just happy to hear and see from other people's perspective. And after that, you think you need to write it down into a poetical story. Sometimes, their story inspired me and you barely forget it and use it as your values. 

Writing is relaxing, I can keep the values into a permanent space that might be useful for me in the future, or maybe some people out there. With writing, I can make my own self relieved after a busy day.. 

But yes, I even got dormant almost 4 years since the last time I write in 2016 because of these and those,  But in 2021 I start to start again. 

is that fun having international friends?

Yes., it is. 

A lot of people usually seeing another country's culture only by television, series, youtube, or another social media. 

But, have you ever try to make friends from around the world?

in the current age, it is very easy to interact with people from way distance or another continent. I remember my first international friend was from Switzerland. I don't remember her name. It was my 3rd year of my bachelor's when I volunteered at an international event named The 100% from Germany.

It's a show about statistical data of the people from Jogjakarta, It was talking about culture, social life, economy, etc. The director, some staffs, and volunteers were foreigners. 

and we jump back to this year,  I mean, the previous year in 2020

sasaasqaw

Do you have a purpose?

Everyone on Earth must have gone to the darkest impasse. Admit it or not, realize it or not. 

People born without knowing every single part of their surrounding, until their environment teach us how to live our life. The environment, including family, neighbors, culture, religion, etc, construct our mind to be who we are right now.  

Thereafter, we encounter the phase of life crisis. The big question that commonly haunting a lot of people, 

"What is the goal of being human? what is your purpose in life?"

simple questions right, but even the professor arguing the answer. Of course, the cultural background affects the answers. but, in Islam, we have to believe the purpose in life to Worship God. 

It is written in Qoran,

وَمَا خَلَقْتُ ٱلْجِنَّ وَٱلْإِنسَ إِلَّا لِيَعْبُدُونِ

(51:56) And I did not create the jinn and mankind except to worship Me.

So, it is. Mankind has a purpose in life.

Forgetting your task

it counts 5 days, since the last time I wrote my story.  I have ever read that start to write is hard as start work out. Our muscles will get easily exhausted. And so is writing, our brain will get simply bored. 

Since 5 days is not a short number, I decide to punish myself. I punished myself by pay 10K rupiah per day of absence from writing in this blog.  I could pay it to the mosque, orphanage, or anything else. 

The Death Teach

 it was late, I was about to sleep when my colleague made my phone rang. 

"Are you awake? I need you right now at the office"

"Wait, what? " I ask him with merely conscious. 

"Don't ask. Just Come!"

"Wait, at least tell me why I have to .... "  the phone hung up before I even get a clear explanation.

I drew my card contact and drive away.  Half asleep, I drive it into the office. my colleague already there waiting with 

Survive to by Hurting Others? - Movie's Jar

Have you ever encountered the circumstance that you have to choose between killing or be killed?

If the question is elucidate figuratively, I am 90% sure you've never faced it. But if the question is just an analogy of what we've been through, I am sure you must have experienced it. 

in real life, our surrounding usually turns us into a trouble situation to make their own safe, likewise the other side. Conscious or not, we are all must have ever turned our friends into a bad circumstance.

 

Why Does Dream Affect Our Day - ENGLISH

It is kinda funny tho, but, I just want to share my silly experience. (just tell me if you had encountered  the same thing)

Last night, I was dreaming about something miraculous. Seeing the beautiful scenery of my life, experiencing the great scene I had never done. But, that kind of dream commonly ended by force. Probably dying to pee or by the alarm. 

According to the knowledge I got, dreams are affected by our minds. The things that we are used to thinking, the things that we really want to achieve, or something that we really hate, someone you miss or you crush. Those all just make sense. because part of our brain still working while we were sleeping.

Not only that, the worst thing about a dream is when we wake up. The normal dream often doesn't affect any of our life. But, the rare dream really drags our real life. For example, when I have a dream about a disaster, the accident of my folks, went to the place I really want, etc. My heart shook so hard and try to figure it out, what does the meaning of that.

Eventually, we have to believe that dream is the flower of sleep. Take the benefits and try to ignore the bad part. And don't forget to pray before sleep and after you get awake.

Jembatan Merah - Part 3

 Bukankah rumah itu cukup akrab bagi ingatannya?

Ia masih mencari si bocah yang menelusup dari lorong ke lorong. 

Annoying Question?

When do you get married?

Have you ever feel mad or sick when your relatives ask you an annoying question? like the first question in this writing. Especially in this country, or wider in Asia, most of our folks always seducing our private life by asking us some private questions. 

Those questions habitually irritate our feeling. Some people take it deep, some others simply fuck it.

Can we just discuss why people asking questions? Basically, someone asking because they are curious, need an answer, confused, or for assessment, or the worst is just for insulting.

The above reasons make sense to be understanding, particularly answering those questions. Probably those annoying question is the way God strengthen our soul to face this beautiful world. 

for me, those annoying question is not really matter. Because I don't really give a sh*t. living this beautiful life is just the most grateful I've ever been to. No need to consider those annoying questions.. 

Simply just fuck it.

Di Meja Melihat Saja - PUISI

Pukul tujuh pagi. 

Kala itu aku memilih diam.

Ditangah riuh ramai gemuruh.

Menyambut.

Si Jawara dari Dusun Lembah dengan mata membelalak mendobrak meja

Antara tahun dan bulan,.

Kala itu aku memilih diam

Di antara iba dan amarah.

Kali ini aku memilih diam.

Is It Okay If We Failed Our Own Commitment?

Having commitment is a really hard skill that only strong people could make. Especially if you are committed to yourself. It means there are no significant risks or impacts if you failed your commitment. You probably still feeling unwind even though you failed it. that is why dealing with ourselves is harder than other people.

The first question we have to know before any further discussion is, what is the commitment itself. So recite from the Oxford dictionary,
commitment is the state or quality of being dedicated to a cause, activity, etc. 

Someone or something who has a commitment commonly has goals to achieve. Let us see our surroundings, this country, the government, our company, our school. they all have goals and missions to accomplish. 

we should discuss is, why are people making commitments.

what is a commitment, 

why people make a commitment

the Difference between 

how to be discipline on our commitment. 

Commitment is closed to promise. In a commitment, we will face the reward and the risks. 

Jembatan Merah - Part 2

 Langit masih belum menampakan ronanya. Nampaknya matahari masih sungkan untuk menatap busuknya umat manusia. Namun angin malah hilir mudik bergemuruh menyisir ruang. Sementara seorang Pria tengah duduk di bangku di pinggir taman. Gerimis belum cukup kuat untuk membuatnya bergegas pindah. pergulatan di balik kepalanya lebih gelap dari cuaca sore itu. 

Landung, meremas remas jemarinya. mencoba mencari jawaban di balik sepulu jari yan ia lihat. Nampaknya sia-sia. memandangi rumput hijau yang tidak pula memberi jawaban. membuat air mata menerobos pertahanan jiwanya. Ia menangis. di ujung senja, di kala gerimis. 

Landung mencoba mengingat kembali di mana letak salah nya. Apa yang membuat nya harus menerima takdir seperti ini. Kilatan masa lalu muncuk satu-per satu. Kenanagn saat pertama kali ia memutuskan untuk menjalani ini semua. Teringat pula luka dan dusta di masa lalu. 

Apakah ini ganjaran?

Sekalipun ia merasa dirinya pantas mendapatkan penderitaan ini, sekalipun ia pernah mendapatkan yang lebih pahit dari ini. Landung hanyalah manusia. 

Beberapa saat dia menerima telepon dari seseoarang. Ia pura2 tak mendengar, atau urung jiwanya untuk sekedar membuka percakapan di tengah semwawutnya pikiran. Sesaat panggilan terhenti, ia meraih Handphone dari saku nya. 

Tiba-tiba seorang anak kecil datang di hadapanya. Mukanya lugu. Ia membawakan payung untuk Landung. 

"Siapa namamu?"

si anak tersebut tidak menjawab, ia hanya tersenyum lantas berlarian mengejar hujan. Landung mengejar anak tersebut dan membawanya ke sebuah gubuk di bantaran kali. Anak tersebut menghilang .

 

Resolution of 2021?

 I think today is the first time I try to write down paragraphs in English.  

what should I write?  I think I need to tell you about my resolution in 2021. 

as we know, as a Moslem, we have a faith that everything happens in our lives is destined. It is written in Qur'an 

أَلَمْ تَعْلَمْ أَنَّ اللهَ يَعْلَمُ مَافِي السَّمَآءِ وَاْلأَرْضِ إِنَّ ذَلِكَ فِي كِتَابٍ إِنَّ ذَلِكَ عَلَى اللهِ يَسِيرٌ

Do you not know that Allah knows what is in the heavens and the earth? Surely these are in the Book. Surely these are easy to Allah.` QS Al-hajj 70

 Notwithstanding, it is just fine because we have a plan for what should we have or what should we do. 

So 2020 is the year that we all faced its suffering, happiness, unites. 2020 thought us a lot of things, patient, sacrifice, new habits, self-control, etc.  So in 2021, we are not far from this kind of outbreak. 

1. Spiritual 

I believe that religion is the most important goal that we have to achieve because we all would be back on the resurrection day in the akhirat. So i have a plan to do this, 

a. Pray 5 times a day on time
b. Fasting 4 times in a month
c. Early Pray (tahajud) 2 times a week
d. memorize juz 30
e. getting married
f. go to Mecca to do Umra with my mom and my wife

2. Jobs.

I am not really triggered to work harder on my job, I just want to do my best for my company.  the specific goal is, at least I get 6 scores at the beginning of 2021.

3. Personal Life

I think I  want to be more thankful to myself. Praising God for what I have. and do some exercise.

a. swimming once a month
b. running once a month
c. cycling once a month
d. exercise 150 hours a week


so I think, people may have plans.. nevertheless, God always knows the best.

wish us all luck 

Jembatan Merah - Part 1

[0001]

Dia masih duduk saja memandangi satu bundel kertas yang barusan ia tandatangani. Air matanya berlinang tak terbendung. Dibacanya lagi apakah ada kata-kata yang salah atau benar. Ia meletakkan lembaran itu. gemetar tanganya menggetutuk meja. 

"Kalau Ibu tidak yakin kenapa harus mengajukan gugatan ini"  pengacara tersebut mendorong kumpulan lembaran tadi. 

Dia tidak menjawab, gemrutuk giginya menahan pilu.

"Apa perlu kami telponkan suami, Ibu?"  Sambil mengambil gagang telepon, memulai untuk menginput nama.

Dia menggeleng, ia mengyeka air mata yang menyapu bedaknya. Dia membuat senyumnya . 

"Ibu masih bisa membatalkan ini dalam waktu dua kali 24 jam," Ujar si pengacara sambil memasukan lembaran tadi ke dalam File bag nya, "Setelah itu, pengadilan yang akan memutuskan."

Ia mengangguk. Meninggalkan ruangan dan melesat dengan mobilnya. Ia tak pandai menyembunhikan rasa haru, tawanya tak mampu memalsukan mendung dalam dirinya. 

Perempatan perumahan Melati, ia memutar setir ke kanan dan masuk ke rumah. Di depan pintu nampak Mbok Maisa berlari membukakan pintu gerbang. Ia bergegas menutup kembali sesaat mobil masuk. 

Tidak ada sapa atau sekedar menoleh, Ia langsung masuk menuju kamarnya. 

----

Satu-satu - PUISI

Sebilah Kata 

Adalah cermin memantulkan lorong 

Diantara kala

Menopang badai beralas bara

Tersiram tawa, 

Berujung duka

Datang menghamba pura-pura bersahaja

Terkadang lupa berbaju sewa

Menepi

Di bibir kali

Si Anak Manusia

Deretan angka

Menjadi idola

Menyungging lainnya

Meninggalkan bercak di mana mana

Satu-satu

Semua kan datang gilirannya.